


Watch Your Back

by bambi (Oasiis)



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rewrite, SHIELD, The Hand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 19:06:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14361729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oasiis/pseuds/bambi
Summary: Steve is badly injured in a fight with The Hand and Bucky deals with the guilt of not being there to watch his back (literally).





	Watch Your Back

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! This is a re-write of my really old fic 'It's Not Worth The Guilt' from 2014, I'm rehashing some old fics and deleting the ancient ones so if you have read the old one let me know!

14 hours.

He’d spent 14 hours wearing a pattern into the hospital floor with his pacing, replaying the events of the night over and over in his mind. Stuck on a loop that only served to fuel the guilt more each time he pictured what he had seen when his eyes had landed on Steve.

James had dealt with them before, often after Murdoch had requested some assistance. Assassin vs assassin was usually the way to go with these guys. The Hand had attacked without any warning, like they always did, and Steve had been first on the scene. His route home that evening just happened to take him past the vault and he seen them before they saw him. Steve had done what he always did in a situation like that, he’d stepped up to intervene and paid the price. James had found him an hour later after combing the streets for him, unconscious with his clothes and subsequently, his skin, torn to ribbons.

Even if he had taken them by surprise, the Hand had greatly outnumbered him. As strong as the super soldier was, the Hand were fast and vicious. It was a wonder they had left him alive. James paced and turned, paced and turn, repeating the night in his mind. What if he had gone instead, what if he had insisted on running with him, or persuaded him to stay home because missing one run wasn’t that big of a deal. All scenarios that worked James up so tightly, he flinched when a nurse appeared to let him know Steve was back from surgery, now recovering in a private room.

He thanked her with a nod and made his way down the corridor to the room marked private. Inside, lying face down, was Steve. His hair was messy and ruffled, his skin pale and his back was a patchwork of bruises, stitches and bandages hiding the worse injuries from view. Not that James needed a refresher, they were burned into his mind and the sharp intake of breath that escaped him only served to show exactly how well he knew this kind of pain.

The slow note of the machines indicated Steve was asleep, so Bucky crossed the gap between the door and the bed and moved to the side. The sheets were bunched down around the Captain’s hips while Steve’s own arms were bunched up under his head, acting like a pillow. It was there Bucky settled his gaze, and there he saw slight flickers of pain every time Steve breathed in. No painkiller was strong enough to dampen the pain, not really. It merely dulled the edge and left the rest as white noise.

He lasted a few moments just watching before James lowered to the edge of the bed and touched. Just briefly. A brush of cold metal fingers over a bruise near Steve’s spine, his skin hot to the touch and his body shifting down, away from the touch. James followed that movement though, determined to get a stronger reaction and he was rewarded with a low, hoarse groan from the fallen man. Bucky found himself needing to force a reaction out of Steve, one that he had caused as proof that he was okay. Proof his mind wasn’t tricking him. Steve shifted again under the pressure James applied to the bruise, more and more until the Captain woke with a rough noise of pain.

James immediately withdrew his fingers and leaned down to press a kiss to Steve’s bare shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I had to be sure.”

Steve made a low, pleased sound when he realised it was Bucky beside him, even if his back did smart from the pressure he had just applied. He mumbled, words trying to form but the drugs in his system made it a little more difficult to put his thoughts into words. Failing that, he braced an arm on the bed and tried to shift, but James was quick to place a hand on his shoulder and ease him back down.

“Hush,” Bucky murmured gently, “I’m here. Take it easy.” Bucky leaned down to his level and gently pushed his fingers through Steve’s hair, gently kissing his temple as he did so. “Rest.” Steve’s eyes fluttered closed again and James smiled softly, falling into a silence. Steve’s eyes didn’t remain closer for long, slowly opening once more and shifting sluggishly until they landed on Bucky. He smiled then, slow and wet his lips.

“Worried?” he managed to ask, swallowing thickly, to which Bucky scoffed and lightly brushed his thumb over the edge of the bandages. Worried didn’t cover it, the fear that he had nearly lost the one he loved, the one he knew he couldn’t live without. The very thought of being alone in this world again… it didn’t bare even thinking about. He fought the sting that crawled up his throat and he cleared his throat and smiled.

“Nah,” Bucky teased, “Not for a second.” His hand skimmed lightly over the bandages and he could feel Steve shifting with the sensation, muscles rippling as they fought the pain and the simple weight of alight touch. Bucky traced right down to a wound dangerously close to Steve’s spine. His fingers paused there and he slowly shifted on the bed. “They came so close… so close,” he murmured, his fingers trembling a little before Steve spoke again.

“Not close enough,” Steve replied, more awake now that he had fully registered that Bucky was here. He didn’t attempt to move for a second time but he did shift enough to glance back over his shoulder to catch his eye. “I’m okay. Nothing I can’t beat.”

Bucky murmured quietly to himself, crawling carefully over the top of Steve, green eyes scanning and mapping every injury and mark that covered the back of the man he loved before his head dipped between his shoulders. He pressed a kiss there, gentle as he could before running his hands down Steve’s sides, feeling him, touching, mapping out the pain he had suffered. “I know, but… I’m sorry Steve, I’m so sorry.”

Steve nodded against the pillow, eyes closing at the familiar feel of lips on his tender skin before he felt the wet heat of his lover tongue set a fire over the cut. 

“Bucky,” Steve groaned and squirmed slightly, a hand curling into the pillow. Bucky glanced up, watching Steve move before back at the slice he had just licked over, so close to the base of Steve’s skull. So dangerous. “Came so close..” Too close. He should have been there to watch his back. 

While Steve had been fighting, keeping up a strong front there was no one watching his back, no one and that was why there were so many injuries. The guilt that seized James in that moment was painful until he heard a low rumble in Steve’s throat. 

“Not close enough,” the Captain muttered. “There was no way you could have know. Hell I barely even knew what was going on. I saw them and I… I just had to intervene.” He couldn’t help himself, it was so deeply ingrained that he knew he didn’t even have to explain it. Not to Bucky.

“How long do you think it will take?” Bucky asked, tracing lightly over a bruise and pressing lightly until Steve murmured in pain. Bucky had to know. He had to know how much it hurt, where it hurt; storing it away in his memory and making sure to kiss over every mark when they were healed. 

“Bucky, have I ever told you that you are such a dog?” Steve raised a brow, the hand on his hip, despite the twinge of pain; brought the Captain comfort even though he knew Bucky’s thoughts had turned to their usual adrenaline fueled after battle fuck and he grinned at the snort from the assassin.

“Couple of days, a week at most. Some of them are..” Steve trailed off and a heavy silence fell in the room, one broken only by the machines proving Steve was alive. Bucky’s attention turned to the strips of gauze all over his lovers back and with one hand he gently strokes over the material. 

“Deep, twisted. Fourteen hours I waited Steve, I know it’s more than cat scratches.” Bucky wanted to see, badly but he wouldn’t risk it, he would wait until there was scars and he could soothe away the pain, the memory. Just like Steve did. 

On the nights when the night terrors gripped Bucky like a vice, when he couldn’t breathe or move; Steve would be there kissing away the memories, sucking over scars and marks from his time as the Winter Soldier and he would calm. Relaxing under Steve skilled tongue until nothing existed but the warmth of Steve’s arms and the truth in his words.

That kept him grounded. 

Since Steve didn’t scar, Bucky took every chance he could to return the favour. Still.. Bucky slid up further, finally reaching the top of Steve’s spine with his fingers and mouth and he kissed along a ripple of muscle before biting down on the firm flesh. Hard. Steve gasped, feeling Bucky’s teeth sink deeper and he groaned but seconds later his lovers tongue was soothing over the bite mark and Bucky’s forehead was pressing between his shoulder blades. 

“I prefer it when the only pain and marks you carry are mine,” Bucky murmured into his back and Steve’s heart caught in his throat for a moment.

“Fourteen hours..” Bucky’s voice sounded strained and Steve raised up a little, feeling Bucky shift with him. Somehow he reached back and found Bucky’s hand, threading their fingers together and gripping tight. 

“I’m here James. Right here.” 

Bucky gripped back just as tight, the image of Steve shredded and bloody still etched into his mind but he would get there. Finally the assassin slipped to the side into the small space between Steve and the edge of the bed. It was small but James made sure he could fit. He would always fit. Steve tilted his head, Bucky’s face inches away from his and finally, finally he could press their lips together and taste his lover. Hard and desperate, full of apologies and love and Bucky kissed him back just as hard, just as sorry before they broke apart, Bucky’s lips brushing over Steve’s nose.

“Next time we order in. So.. you think I can last 5 days without sex?” Bucky teased with a grin and Steve knew then that he was going to be okay.

“Well,” Steve shifted to rest their foreheads together. “My mouth still works fine...”


End file.
